


A Very Personal Epiphany

by nothlits



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Bisexuality, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining, When you fall in love with your bro but you don't realize it, hand holding, talking about feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-29 21:38:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19839001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nothlits/pseuds/nothlits
Summary: Pining wasn't exactly new to Ren.What was new to him was having his feelings returned by someone who wasn't even aware they were returning them. As if he even knew that could be an issue.





	A Very Personal Epiphany

**Author's Note:**

> This is a drabble that became one of my multi-chapter fics: [Mutual](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18684796). If you've read that before, and some things here look familiar, it's because this was my starting point. This is also unedited and several months old now, but it's cute so I wanted to share it!

Pining wasn't exactly new to Ren. Growing up with no friends and barely any acquaintances had made him into the type of person who got temporarily and dreamily attached to almost anyone who was kind to him. People not returning his feelings also wasn't new to him, and he didn't expect them to. Most of his crushes he knew to be pointless whims not destined to go anywhere, and that was fine.

What _was_ new to him was having his feelings returned by someone who wasn't even _aware_ they were returning them. As if he even knew that could be an issue.

Ryuji Sakamoto was admittedly not the smartest guy Ren had ever met. He made a lot of bumbling simple mistakes. He said a lot of things he probably shouldn't because his mouth moved faster than his brain. And he was driving Ren _absolutely insane_ with his inability to parse the connection between them as what Ren thought could potentially be soulmate-level. 

Ren was trying his best. He really was. He had asked Ryuji on countless dates. He had tried looking into his beautiful brown eyes across the table, earning him that heartwarming smile but nothing else. He had tried walking closer to him on their way back home from these dates, which just made Ryuji throw an arm over his shoulder and hold him close as they walked, usually while telling him in his totally-just-bros way that he loved him. 

As far as physical touch went, Ryuji was definitely the most touchy-feely with Ren out of everyone else in their group of friends. He was always putting his arm around Ren, high fiving him, leaning his head on his shoulder on the train, sitting close to him so they could read or study together, and had stroked Ren’s hair while Ren rested against _his_ shoulder more than once. When one of them was feeling sad or just needing physical reassurance, they didn’t hesitate to offer each other a long, tight hug, complete with some shoulder nuzzling. 

Ren had been aware of his own identity long enough to know that this was not your typical straight boy touch. The way Ryuji rested his head in the crook of Ren’s neck when they hugged rather than resting his chin on his shoulder, and the way he’d put his arm around Ren’s waist when they walked together made him feel like they were an actual couple rather than just two pals. Not that Ren had a lot of experience in that department. 

Part of him felt like he should just be happy that he had someone like Ryuji in his life. Someone who didn't shy away from touching him, who liked spending time with him, who was just the right amount of clingy. Someone who openly and frequently told him he cared. But the other part of him was exasperated and wanted to grab Ryuji by the shoulders and shake some gay sense into him. He thought about actually physically shaking him more than once. His actual plan ended up not actually being much more subtle. 

After one of their many definitely-dates-but-not-to-Ryuji, they followed the usual course of action: walk back to Leblanc, shoulders practically touching, talking about whatever nonsense was on their minds. Ryuji would walk Ren up to the door, they'd say goodbye, and then he'd make his way back home. But Ren wasn't letting him get away with that this time. 

Ryuji said his usual goodbye and turned to leave, but Ren grabbed his shoulder and kept him there facing him. 

“Wh-- hey, you good?” Ryuji looked confused by the sudden touch, but Ren realized he was probably just concerned because as it turns out, trying to summon the courage to kiss your best bro could make you look angry instead of focused. Ren relaxed his expression as well as he could and loosened his grip on Ryuji's shoulder but didn't let him go. 

“We'll see.” He answered more cryptically than he meant to and before he could chicken out, he closed the distance between them and pressed his lips against Ryuji's. His hand moved from his shoulder up to touch his jaw and although it took a second or two for the shock to wear off, Ryuji kissed him back, a hand moving to lightly touch his waist. 

He barely pulled back and rested his forehead against Ryuji's, eyes closed. If this didn't get his feelings across, nothing would.

“Hey, uh… I don't… I know you like guys, but I… I'm not--” Ryuji was barely getting his words out and what did come out was jumbled and nervous. Ren said a silent prayer to whatever god was out there that he wouldn't have to do even more work to get Ryuji to understand what was going on here. “Why did you do that?” Thanks for nothing, God.

Ren cupped Ryuji's cheeks in his hands, foreheads still pressed together, and made direct unwavering eye contact. 

“Ryuji,” His tone was stern, like he was talking to a particularly rowdy child. “I am _in love with you._ ” 

Ryuji was quiet for what felt like an eternity. His cheeks and ears went red and Ren could feel the heat under his palms.

“F… for real…?” His voice cracked (very endearingly, Ren thought) and Ren felt his heart melt at the sound, as agitated as he was by Ryuji’s seemingly unending ignorance. “Like, for real for real?” 

“For real.” he thumbed his cheek sweetly then finally backed off to give him some space. 

Ryuji shoved his hands in his pockets, suddenly awkward and becoming increasingly aware of what just happened. He was avoiding looking at Ren, but Ren also knew his body language and expressions well enough to know he wasn’t really upset, just thinking.

“I mean, you know I--” He sighed. “I’m not gay, Ren, I don’t-- I like girls. You’ve heard me talk about girls.” 

“Come inside,” Ren gestured to the door to the cafe they had been hovering just outside of. “We can talk.” 

“You make it sound like I’m in trouble.” Ryuji joked, but he let Ren hold the door open for him and went inside. 

It was after hours and the lights had been shut off by Sojiro on his way out the door for the night. Ren flipped the switch and settled himself into the booth closest to the door. Ryuji sat opposite him and immediately started fidgeting with his hands. Ren reached over and took one to hold in his own. Ryuji paused but gripped his hand back assuringly. 

“Do you not like me?” It wasn’t a hostile question, just one of genuine curiosity. If he didn’t, he had Ren fooled, and he was suddenly preparing himself to have been very wrong in his assumptions that he had initially thought were bulletproof. He tried to keep his tone even and void of any disappointment so Ryuji wouldn’t feel pressured into not hurting his dearest friend’s feelings.

Ryuji hesitated and looked down at their hands, mind visibly working. He stroked his thumb back and forth over Ren’s hand. It was a fidget more than an act of intimacy. He swallowed and pursed his lips. 

“I mean… Of course I like you, man. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, but I-- I mean, I’m not gay?” he suddenly sounded unsure, which was compounded when he realized he’d been stroking Ren’s hand while speaking. He stopped but didn’t let go. “Probably?”

“Ryuji. You can _be_ bisexual. You can still like girls. _I_ like girls. You know that.” He rubbed his thumb over Ryuji’s hand the way Ryuji had been doing to his before, trying to encourage him to keep doing it if it helped him focus. The reminder helped and Ryuji picked up his movement again.

“I know that. I…I just mean. The way I feel about you isn’t _like that_ , I just-- I’m so happy when I’m with you. You make me feel like I belong, and like you actually want me around.” His rhythm against Ren’s hand faltered while he paused his speaking, then picked up again. “When I’m with you, I feel like I can just be me. I don’t have to fit into a role, I can just exist with you and you’ll still like me even if it’s not perfect and-- Oh. My God.”

Ren covered his mouth but still couldn’t keep himself from laughing a little. 

“Hey! Shut up, I’m trying to have a very personal epiphany here!” he squeezed Ren’s hand, grinning. “Stop laughin' at me, asshole!” 

That only made Ren laugh harder and he squeezed his eyes shut to try and calm himself down. When he opened them, Ryuji was still smiling, though his expression had softened into one of affection rather than playful exasperation. The same look he’d been giving Ren for months that screamed _I’m painfully in love with you_.

“Okay, okay. I’m done laughing.” He squeezed Ryuji’s hand gently. “I love you, dumbass.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Just cuz you have a grip on your _feelings_ doesn’t mean we all do.” 

“Sometimes you just need a little help, and that’s fine. I’m here for you. Even if your ignorance to my advances does infuriate me.”

“Thanks, man.” Ryuji finally pulled his hand back from where they were clasped on the table and scratched the back of his head, glancing off to the side. “So uh… D’you think maybe we could, uh… Kiss some more? That was pretty cool.” 

Ren laughed and patted the booth seat next to him, motioning Ryuji over and leaning his head on his shoulder once he was seated. 

Ryuji ruffled his hair and pulled an arm around his waist to keep him close. “I love you too, by the way.”


End file.
